Hair Today Gone Tomorrow – Part 4 – The Long Decline

 

You have probably guessed by now that my hair is somewhat less than optimal, hence the tirade. It is true; my hair has been slowly disappearing for many years. In the early stages it was barely noticeable, but as my forehead expanded, my kids started to giggle and point out the tonsure that was beginning to be noticeable. It’s easy at this stage, I told them that is was just my brain getting bigger pushing my hair away and I was going to become a super intelligent dad. Oh well it was worth a try!

The beard however remains, there is now as much salt as pepper in it now but I am still free of the fashionista’s obsession with scraping my face with sharp bits of metal. I have managed to hold on to a career without the clean shaved look. But as my pate begins to resemble Homer Simpson’s I can only look back at my days of hairiness with nostalgia and accepting my fate as a slap head.

But wait; is there a cure for creeping alopecia? Again the genius of our previously maligned chemists is advertising a solution. Until, that is, you read the small print, no guarantee it will work and you will have to re-apply the concoction regularly even if it does. I doubt if my credit rating could bear stress. I could try cosmetic surgery, but the thought of having skin plugs extracted from one part of my body inserted in another at an exorbitant cost is more than even my vanity can put up with. So I have resigned my balding pate to its shiny fate.

However, the worst was yet to come. As I aged and my hairline was developing a mind of its own another phenomena became evident; hair growth in the oddest of places. These new growths are not the soft silky structures so beloved of hairdressers but are dark, thick, stiff, and stubborn sproutings. These hideous emanations appeared in previously unblemished regions; in the eyebrows, up nostrils, on top of earlobes, even one on my nose! So this is where my keratin has gone! It’s been in hiding, poised under the skin in secret nooks and crannies ready to blossom, preparing their defences over the years, strengthening the roots and thickening the stems; it’s a conspiracy. These unwelcome guests have to be eradicated, but how?

It seems the scissors and the razor will have their victory in the end, only sharpened steel edges can deal with these new harbingers of age.

I despair, there is no escape. Oh woe is me.

The End.

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My work background is in operational meteorology and in my career I have been involved in forecasting for everything from bananas to jumbo jets.I joined the Met Office 1974 as an observer at Glasgow Airport. After training as a forecaster, I worked as an Operational aviation forecaster at various defence sites and airports. In 1982, I moved to Glasgow Weather Centre as a forecaster and STV broadcaster till 1988. He then took up a post as Senior Forecaster London Weather Centre, then Senior Forecaster ITV where I qualified as a trainer in presentation techniques for the ITV Association. After being diagnosed with MS, he moved into management and became Head of London Weather Centre in 1997 followed by a period of front-line management for Southern England and Europe covering London and Cardiff Weather Centres and the Met Offices on defence stations from Akrotiri in Cyprus to St Mawgan in Cornwall. He took up the post of Met Office Chief Advisor for Scotland & Northern Ireland in March 2008 and moved to Edinburgh. I retired in September 2014. My one claim to fame is once performed a comedy sketch on TV with Manuel (Andrew Sachs) from Fawlty Towers in support of Comic Relief.

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